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Ashley

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[06 Jul 2002|10:58pm]
[ mood | calm ]

tonight is the first time in nights that i actually had a good time. well, decent. last night i did nothing and cried about it. today i went to my grandparents and chilled with my aunt and cousin and went swimming and stuff. i came home and called kar and me her, corinne + lili went to the carnival. it was kinda boring cuz no one was around, so we walked to dunkin donuts and then around the boardwalk. then amanda came and livened up the party, then corinnes boyfriend showed up and was about to fight this kid,... then these girls were gonna fight.. and something about a 13 yr old and a 20 year old and some kid was hitting on corinne and her boyfriend josh got molto pissedo, and they almost brawled it out. but then nothing happened. boys. i saw meech and we were talkin for a lil bit, i havent seen her in so long but i called her twice today. i miss her, cuz she's just so freakin funny. then ang was there with her guy friends and was acting too cool for school and like said hi and just walked away. last night she said the carnival was gay. so im like 'i thought carnivals are gay?' and she laughed and was like, 'yep, but im with blha blah blah.' i saw blaine from work. hes too funny. then paul, amandas bf, brought me and kar home and on the way this girl with some corney ass ll bean backpack [that, yah, i had in 8th grade] was riding a motorcycle with some busted fella and were tryin to race us so we were hysterical laughin in the car and were like 'bitch, i hope you lose your backpack' it was madd ghetto, she monogrammed it with white out. it was quite funny, ya had to be there. then we sped up and they fuckin passed us so we're screamin at them out the window, it was so stupid but so funny. and now im home, its 11 and im pleased cuz i did stuff today. tomorrow i work. monday morning im going shopping. and now, i gotta watch some madd tv. g'nite america <333 i love you


kisses,
bella

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[05 Jul 2002|09:23pm]
i worked on the 4th and actually can say i had fun. it wasnt busy or anything and we all just chilled + laughed cuz the managers were kids, blaine and jenn. we had a ball. i wore a red white + blue uncle sams hat all day and ate whenever and just had a decent time. i went to my grandparents picnic and ate a lil and swam for a while and then ya know.. just chilled. my cousin veronica slept over last night, ppl were doign fireworks at the end of my street and erinn was there with her family so i went down to holla, came home and we went to sleep. actually, i didnt sleep. the floor was uncomfortable and i found a spider in my room and couldnt sleep for shit. i went to work at 330 and it was kinda fun again, only cuz i work with kev and blaine who make me laugh. then i come home and realized like no one called me all day and i had called kar to tell her some show on mtv was on. she never called me back. then i called her and she was at the carnival and i was asking about her report card and shes like 'oh, are you coming down to the carnival?' and im like 'no, how?' and she gave me an additude and was like 'i dunno' and i said bye and hung up. now im sitting here crying again because im home and the rest of the world.. literally i have 2 buddies on, one with an away message... is doing something cuz its friday night and they are cool and all my damn friends are on vacation and i suck.
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i dont see you, anymore... [02 Jul 2002|10:13pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

today, for the first time was eventful. last night i wanted to cry cuz i had nothing to do and it bothered me dearly. i called annie and she was so .. different. its like she wants me to think shes cool or something. i told her something and ten mins later she purposely repeated it + brought it up so that her other friend who was over could hear it, ask questions.. blah blah. i've been her friend since kindergarten and we'll always be amiches. but sometimes it makes me wonder how much my friends really care about me + eachother.

i talked to amanda last night and we were chatting about why i wish i had a bf, and her controlling yet sweet as suga boytoy, who does everything for her and dedicates himself to her. she said she missed hangin with us and wanted to chill. so this afternoon i went to her house + we swam and stuff, but then her bf came and they were chillen and i felt like 3rd wheel + she had to get ready for a dentist appt. so we didnt do that much hangin. i actually spent more time playin candy land wit her lil sis.

her mom brought me home, and i ate lunch and called lissa. i dropped the cd i made for her + calling card at her house and she invited me over for later. i called kar too and she was a lil miffed i went to amandas cuz thats her ass buddy and she was goin to the carnival tonight. so was the rest of the world, but i would have rather gone to lissas. and thats what i did. we hung out and her boyfriend came over and i helped her pack. imma miss her so much, but its only 8 days and i think i can manage. then i came home and jess called me to say bye, cuz shes going too. half the band is, except for me of course. damn yearly tours. if only i hadnt had a sweet 16..

im really gonna miss my girls when i leave cuz the ones goin are my true chix. i love um. i have to work tomorrow and im gonna be hellapissed if kar + crew get waaasted and fck up my meeting them at the beach for fireworks. i will be sooo mad. i dont know how imma get home from um either, i wish i droveee.

well its off to bed for me.
<3 smooches from a hooch

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[01 Jul 2002|08:52pm]
[ mood | sad ]

how come no matter what i do, i end up sitting home at night

jess, wanna do something? im packing
ash, oh, you're in va
erinn? oh. you went camping
ang? better things to do. i see.
aliss? no one picks up your phone, darlin
kar? not around after 8
lili? too drunk?


hm.. i wanna just jump off a bridge sometimes

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i can be your.. fantasy [29 Jun 2002|09:34am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

josh* imed me last night and i totally blew him off because i dont need his guilt trips or i miss yous because basically, its not a mututal thang. i did nothing again yesterday, i layed out and called meech. called kar, jess and wanted to go to the rec with jess but she had a graduation party and lovely kar and everyone went out last night without me. i went to work and it was pretty fun. this girl steph and i , who danced with me when i was like 9, worked together and she was so sweet ;] she kept bagging for me and helping me out. we had alotta laughs and im really happy im making friends at work. of course, because im the new bitch i get to work the night of our fireworks, AND 1-6 on america's july 4th. wtf? not cool, not at all. i can't complain cuz i get paid time and a half, which is $9 an hour. so imma keep this big mouth of mine shut and take my money. im gonna make around 120 this week and i picked out the car i want. its a 99 maxima, and its hott. my mom wants me to get a new car. i told her if she pays for it, i won't oblige. so i came home from work around 830 and my brother was missing. he said he was gonna be at a friends house and wasnt there so i charged down the street in boots and my adams name tag and tried finding the punk. he came home a little while later thinking it was no biggie. great kid. kar was like 'we're going out with chris and them.. you can come but we dont know where we're going yet.. we might be at the beach or this kids house. ill call you.' never called. or someone was onlien and it never got through. so i sat home. i watched friday night standup on comedy central and allowed myself to laugh. whenever im watching something funny, for some reason, i never laugh. i dont know why, i just dont. its like i feel stupid or something. but i sat and honestly laughed at the antics and jokes and stuff and it was refreshing. i was acutally having a good time watching tv on a friday night. imma be alrite <3

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long one [24 Jun 2002|04:02pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

i havent updated in forever and a day. lifes been busy. ive been workin like a prostitute in l.a. and have been sweatin like a criminal at sunday mass. seriously folks, its a hott summer comin. anyways life's been busy and therefor i cannot complain, cuz im not sitting on my fat ass at home watching reruns of sally. that would suck terribly. right now i just got home and im gonna share my weekly adventures.


last thursday - i went to the beach and EVERYONE from school was there. we played volleyball and it was tons of fun even if i still suck. then was graduation. it was really sad, and i had to go cuz of band. it didnt really hit me that some of my friends arent coming back next yr. all the srs were crying like im sure i will when i graduate and everyone was real sentimental. the speakers were lousy, except the valedictorian and salutatarian [not quite sure i spelt that one right] he's in band + loves himself + is yale bound, so im not even worthy to comment. but he had alotta good quotes in it, so nothin bad to say. afterwards i saw kimmie and gave her a big hug and told her how much im gonna miss her. that reminds me to call her this week. then my parents dropped me and liss and steph at steph's house and we chilled for a little while. we were gonna go swimmin but we were too lazy. we pigged out like whoa and i was home for 10, went to sleep and that was that.


friday - im pretty sure i worked. yep. i did. 4-8. i didnt do anything in the morning. i had a lesson and it went really bad. im starting to not work as hard on my music and its showing. i procrastinate and im lazy and dont feel like practicing, i need to get this all state piece and sonata done and so far its shit. i feel like the flute is giving up on me. im not a technical player. i play the only way im good at, from the heart. its the only thing im truely good at and when it gets challenging i cry,shit my pants, worry ill never have a career, and put the $1000 burden back in its case. its a shame, it really is. i need to be more serious about it, but im terrified -absolutely scared shitless- that im jus gonna be another person who played in the high school orchestra, did a few competitions, and then became a teacher and stopped. nope, i dont want that. solo, group.. just PERFORMING is my life and its like grains of sand slipping through my fingers. i dont like challenges, i like being me. but you cant get worse, you're only supposed to be getting better. or you're supposed to. i just really want this so bad, i want to be good. but i HATE practicing and I HATE not understanding or trying hard and not getting something. it happened in lax, in elections and over my dead hot pink nail painted body is it gonna happen to my music. its in my blood and in my dreams and its not getting pushed aside. thank you.


after my lesson i worked. it wasnt easy and my feet hurt but it was a better day. then i went to play pool with ash, eri and jess. i was home for 11 and fell asleep.

saturday morning, bright and early, i went to work, it was my bros bday so i bought him a visor at old navy + the eminem cd. i felt bad i wasnt gonna be around. he's been such an asshole lately cuz he and my parents are at it constantly. he's going through that stage where hes growing up, and he's only 14. sometimes i wanna punch him in the jaw. other times i want to cry and tell him im sorry for always being the bitchy older sister. he used to make me breakfast in the morning and i would scream at him for waking me up. or he'd try to give me a compliment and id call him retarded and tell him he's corney. when we were kids i used to LOVE the kid. i constantly was hugging him and playing games with him and taking him for rides in my barbie car. we were insepereble. now its all different and we're both shit heads. i just hope he doesnt get older and do something stupid.

after work on saturday i went to the block party with kar + elisa + corinne. we chilled and ate sooo much food. lissa was there with ronnie, amanda and paul, and jenn and her bf. i felt so left out. everyone was paired off and shit, and i was lonely. i just wish i had a bf. all of us were bitching about how we felt stupid around the couples, so we kinda hung out as 'us'. then corinnes bf showed up and she was with him. everyone knows 3's a crowd so i was left out with kar and li. the corinne and us started talkin about her pregnancy and she was telling us how her mom was there for her, and she was in so much pain. i cant believe she's had a kid. i mean, shes only 15 and a sweetheart. she drinks and does weed sometimes, and she hangs out with some bad asses. but shes not a bad kid. and shes a model, too. she just made some wrong decisions. i just dont understand that shes never home. her mom takes the baby all the time while shes partying. mine would kill me. atleast they got her daughter baptized. afterwards her bf came back and brought us some vodka but i didnt feel like drinking. we went swimming and ate a ton of food, and at 11 meech and ann came from work, and then we left and i was home a little later. i was exhausted, sunburned and wanted to sleep in my central air conditioning.

sunday was terrific. i was at work from 8-130 and it wasnt too crowded. i didnt have any bitchy customers and it was kinda quiet. i went home and we had a small party for my brother. my aunt and her kids and husband came over and we rented corky romano + ate all cookout food. it was kinda fun ;] afterwards i went to see scooby doo with jenni, ash, eri and jess. it was mad funny. i didnt realize it was all about pot. thats why they're always hungry, from smokin. and scooby snacks? HELLO! what a dumb 9 yr old i was. they wanted to meet some corney ass kids from school so we went to the beach again and it was gay as hell and i was bored as shit and was in a bad mood. they act kinda stupid sometimes. i went home and fell right to sleep. after another piece of ice cream cake ;]

today is monday. and boy does it feel like one. i woke up kinda early and got my act together. i called kar and they wanted to go to the beach around 12 so i walked to kars and ann's sister picked us up and we went to the beach. meech, ang, nikki and some other ppl frmo school were there and we played volleyball and layed out for an hour. then we decided it felt so desert-y and went to swim at li's house. we only took a quick dip cuz we thought her pool was gross, and ann's sister picked us up again, brought us to burger king and i got a cherry freezy. then i went home, practiced [hmm..] and jess called. we were gonna go to the gym but im too comfortable. i have driver's ed at 6, and andrea might come with me. then, im sleeping!!!!

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good mornin' [15 Jun 2002|10:30am]
[ mood | listless ]

rise and f'n shine. yesterday was my almost last day of finals. hurray. i was the first in my class to finish my damn health final, and it was easy as pie. then in science i used my notes *thoroughly* and i think i got an a. i better. i stayed up half the night trying to cram everything i've learned this year into that college-ruled paper. um... so after finals i went home. stephy brought me. and then i ate a lil lunch and my mama and i went to the mall so i could get my eyebrows done. the lady made them so thin & took out the arch so i look like i have 2 straight lines for eyebrows. wtf? i was so mad. i cried. my eyebrows are one thing i like about myself, and she messed um up pretty terribly. i went to the drug store and got some hott pink nailpolish, and a nail file, some new clear lipgloss from cover girl and a curling iron. i tried to curl my hair for work but its too thick and i couldnt do it. then i did my nails and toes, got dressed and went. i was workin wit sherry and we had a lotta laughs. some lady came in and i accidently scanned her stop & shop card and it came up as an $83 lasanga. wtf? i was like "im sooo sorry." and i voided it. afterwards i laughed cuz that was so strange. i got off at 8 and went home. no one was around, cuz i called. i went online, had some ice cream [dumb] and figured out my finances. then i went to bed. kar called me at like 1045 but i was sleeping and only woke up to hear her say 'call me back ash' and thats it. i have to go to the gym, call my student, make plans for tonight, vacuum, dust and clean my room. better get goin ;]

*your one and only dollface thuqq*

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respect yourself. [10 Jun 2002|03:20pm]
[ mood | hot ]

f is for the fatties that be wearin my shit

and when i shake it, i rock your world
you oughta died and went to heaven
im a fatty girl


hehe gotta get a lil ludy in there. today was not bad at all, not bad. this morning kar missed the bus so i had my laugh of the day. yup. then bre and i went to get her a yrbook this morning. they came out sorta shitty. i mean, theyre not too organized but the covers really phat and i like the lettering for the pages that say 'seniors, juniors, etc.' they put pics that were faded in it and it looks phat. they have like 0 pics though in the rest of the book, and got no one to advertise in the book. the teacher advisor's wife has cancer so i guess he was out alot when she was sick. i took some pics of everyone this mornin and me and amanda walked into first about 4 mins late and we rushed to do the damn test. i dont think i did that terrible, but i know i didnt get the last part of it correct. math is hard. then in english we finished caesar. the rest of the day was good. i got another award too, in history this time. i guess they forgot to give it to me or suttin at the ceremony. hmph. i was happy! that makes *2* to put on my college shit. i mean, its real important to me that i get recognized for trying hard, and im all about the college apps. i wanna make mine look hot as hell in a thunderstorm. then later on i took a pic wit my favorite shorty ;] i love him so much. art and i played cards in italian and i have to write a paper tonight. then i went to lovely lunch and watched everyone else play cards. we practiced for the concert tomorrow in band and it looks good. its so sad cuz our teacher has been teaching for 39 years and hes retiring. hes a great guy and instills so much pride + dedication in all of us. we have so much love + respect for him, so imma cry when he goes. i need to study for gosh damn finals and have work at 5. im getting excited. peace yo. <33 love ya much

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my family is so annoying [09 Jun 2002|05:52pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

first i babysat last night and the kids were being little fuckers. granted they're my cousins and i should love them regardless, they are assholes and a pain in the ass to babysit. the 12 year old calls everyone a gay mother fucker and likes to chase his brother around with a paint scraper. the 10 year old likes to run around after having milk poured on him calling everyone a homo, and screams he's blind. then the 15 year old, yes 15, because he cant be trusted to watch the other menaces to society, calls his little brothers bastards and hits them while jumping on them and wrestling. i love this damn family and i only got $30.

today i ate breakfast early and went tanning. it felt so nice, cuz i havent gone in a while. then ash and i went to the gym. i ran for like 14 mins and it came out to be about a mile or something. i wanted to collapse. it was sooo tiring and i was sweating and my face was burning. then i did 300 crunches and her mom came to pick us up. i wanted to pass out. afterwards i went home and helped my parents paint and my brother got into another fight with my dad, and then they became 'pals' again and for god sakes his the picture perfect son again. we went out to dinner and i guess it was ok. just that my brother and grandfather are annoying as hell and make stupid comments and some people in my family have no manners and my gramma is bitchy and grrr. i am so full and that makes me feel fat. and im tired as fuck and i have a stuffy nose and everything so im not feeling that great and havent for the past week. wednesday starts finals i think and im not excited. monday [tomorrow] i start mah job. im pretty sure i get paid for training but no one told me, so.. i dunno. erf well im going to bed or to poke my eye out or something. ttyl <333

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:hm.. [07 Jun 2002|02:57pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

what an eventful day. first off i was lucky enough to wake up on time, had my coffee, got all dressed up thinking i was supposed to for the awards ceremony today. but i didnt. oh well. i still looked kinda springy. in the morning i went to math. i got an a+ on one test and an f on the other. how? im not sure. then i got a c. which is write smack dab in the middle. superb. i was so pissed. i said to my teacher "a two out of twenty? thats, thats .. an f?" and she got all pissy and was like "yes." okay. not like im learning in this class anyways! ok so then i went to the ceremony with manda. and we all sat in out seats and the principal got on and yada yada. his cell phone went off in the middle of it, and hes like 'excuse me'. this administration has got to go. cept the assistant principal, shes coo ;] then they messed up peoples names a trillion times and skipped all people who got awards too. i got an english achievement award and they were giving out cords and whatnot. it was kinda nice. i think something like 150 kids got awards. we're not all dummies i suppose. afterwards i went to class and took a science test. the final is including the midterm which is b.s. um.. i had a pretty decent rest of the day. we played cards in history and im like "____ ya wanna play?" [to my crush] and hes like "nah." stupid jerk. i won a game of crazy eights and then we played 32 and gin. afterwards i went to italian and arthur taught me how to play setback, and at lunch i played with gina, stef and mike. i was mikes partner and i felt so bad cuz i sucked ;] then in band we got yelled at some more for not being the best and i came home and it was ww3 in my house cuz my bro got in trouble. i got the job at the supermarcato!! ah, i dont want it. i mean i do, but i dont know. id like a nicer job. but its my first, so i dont care. i make something like 6.75/hr. which isnt bad. i picked all my classes for next year. a basic level science [its sad] an honors english and ap history. its us history again but im excited cuz its so simple. today i have to turn in my working papers, get ryann a present and go to her damn party. me and her barely talk cuz shes too cool for me, but i guess she has no real friends so she had no one else to invite. so sad. shes been nice to me lately though. i guess imma hypocrite. well, atleast im not drunk.


<3 peach

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[03 Jun 2002|02:55pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

you've become someone else..
why'd you have to go and make things so complicated
see the way youre acting like your someone else
getting me frustrated..


hmm. thats for you, balla.

i need some suggestions to download schtuff cuz im getting pretty boreddd. ya know? well today i had a cold and it was gross, i kept blowing my nose and sneezing and i dont know why cuz i never get sick. welp we did nothing in all my classes basically and i got mad at meech for 5 minutes cuz i asked her if she saw something on tv on sat. night and shes like 'no, we have livessss' and she knows how im sensitive to that. so i was like whatever bitch, but we got over it. they are having the meeting for class officers on weds but i might go anyways cuz the teacher said he'd "make positions" for people to stay on the committee cuz jr year is really imperative. hmph. i have like no homework, im just planning on going to the gym later, and the lady called me from adams! waaawhooo i applied there and i think im getting the job! i cant wait. i mean, i hope i get it. its not like its gonna be that tough. and i think you get a raise every couple months. i just need a jOb. sherry works there and shes the doll whos been getting them to hire me. time to watch tv and chill.

<3peashyoword

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thats what friends are for [02 Jun 2002|12:33am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

she said thank you. i love her.

im talking about my long time friend andrea. if you know anything about me, you know andrea and i have played with barbies together, learned about boys together, and grown up together. we were kindergarten cuties and had sleepovers, used to make fun of eachother, she used to tease me all the time and write all over my journals in school. she even went as far as playing mean tricks on me. even though i was a foot taller than her. my dad used to say 'sometimes people smaller than you try to bring you down beacuse they dont like being small.' and i used to cry how angie teased me and she made fun of my earrings. and then shed invite me over to make smores or eat pizza. we went through elementary school all together and she got mad at me when i found the new girl at school was my best friend, and she wrote a really mean letter to her in 5th grade saying how she didnt like her beacuse shes so mean to be my friend. i know angies family. i know every detail of her life. through middle school she got a little more popular and we didnt hang out as much. now we're in high school and we're really close and have classes together. through it all, though, we've always been friends. my mom always said andrea was a true friend and to never let her go. i didnt have to, cuz whenever we parted our ways we always came back to being just us friends. my mom is a great judge of character.

ang has had her fair share of boyfriends. shes gorgeous, italian, dark hair and a perfect thin figure. shes a soccer superstar and smart as hell. i sometimes get real jealous of her, and then stop beacuse i know you shouldnt be jealous of your friends. anyways, she always complains to me about boys and it bugs me sometimes cuz i just wish i had a boy to complain about. she and her long time boyfriend just broke up and shes forever crying about it and is always in such a bad mood. i slap myself now for all the times ive talked bad about her. just recently she was in the hospital for some stomach problem and me and meech were the first to call the hospital and make sure she was okay. mom was on the phone with the florist ready to send flowers, and i was prepared to learn my drivers ed lesson for her too. see, we're even getting our licenses together. i, until now, have never realized what this girl means to me.

ang has been talkin about this wonderful kid she met for days now. he lives in a mansion, drives a mustang, is super polite, smart, and classy just like her. but i was the only one she told. and she told me this, too. shes like i cant tell anyone else but you. and i felt really cool because that means she trusts me, alot. tonight she was going out with him and called me up half crying tellin me how nervous she was and how excited and she didnt know what to wear and i made her change and wear a halter cuz i knew her sandals and a shortsleeved polo was not date attire, and she hung up with me begging that she could call me when she got home, knowing it would be late. i said ok, and figured i would be up. she called me about a half hour ago and asked me if she could tell me the story blow by blow. she told me everything he did, said, what she ate at the restraunt, about his friends and their yachts and how they talked about baseball and school and relationships and my darling annie is now in heaven with this fella and he took her heart away. shes so happy, and because shes happy, i honestly feel happy for her. i was like awww, and im so happy for you, and thats so great, and lalala. but i meant it, maybe for the first time. and i told her how i was a little upset one of my friends is trying to get with the kid i have been crushing on all year, and me and him just started talking in school and stuff. this is the size 0 girl who has a wardrobe the size of texas and ang could tell her i was upset and shes like ;why would he go for her, youre 10 times prettier, shut up.; and she just said some really nice things that made me feel a little better.

and then she said she was tired and was going to bed. and i told her i was happy she had a great night and id see her at church in the morning and before we hung up, my alltime favorite girl said 'and thanks for listening, ash. really, thanks. goodnight.'

her thank you meant so much to me at that moment. i dont know why, but i felt liek she poured her heart out to me and she really appreciated my listening. no one has ever said thanks for listening to me. it was just so... nice.

and that is why im going to go to bed tonight, with a smile on my face.

<3

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[30 May 2002|03:19pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

alll day i campaigned.

my speech went good. you couldnt hear dawns, and she was my one and only competition. all my friends said they were voting for me, random people came up to me and said i did a good job and spoke well and i had their vote. everyone said it. even teachers. then today we passed out stickers, like 20 and i even wore a vote for me sticker on my ass. i mean, cmon i made a trillion posters and a good speech and spoke well and tried so hard. i really put myself out there.

everyone said they voted for me today.

the teacher called about 20 minutes ago.

dawn won. but thanks for trying.


and that, that is why i hate myself

I TRIED SO HARD AND GOT SO FAR
BUT IN THE END IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER
YOU HAVE TO FALL TO LOSE IT ALL
AND IN THE END IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER...

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you dont have to call... actually.. yes you do!! aww you son of a bitch you didnt call!! [27 May 2002|06:29pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

that gorgeous, beautiful boy didnt call! im so pissed! i wanted him to call me and i waited all weekend and then a weird cell phone called me this afternoon but it was only ann. they wanted to see if i wanted to go play some beach volleyball and i should ahve gone and said yes but i felt really shitty andi had the worst cramps ever. the parade was okay, i was sweating so bad cuz it was really humid out. alot of people came to see. my grandparents came over and we were having a cookout but i didnt feel great and went to sleep. i took like a 4 hour nap and now i wont sleep tonight. tomorrow are speeches and im really nervoous. im dressing up too, i just reminded myself. and ...

happy birthday emmie! i <3 u!! *16*

okay! its her bday and i wanted to announce it cuz shes mah girl. i feel like shit still and these motrins arent working properly. everyone did stuff today except for me and i wish i went out. and i think kar went out last night and shes gone out every night this week and continues to not invite me along. shes a great friend, aint she?

well kids its time for another pill. i hate womanly problems. especially on a monday.

peace

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everyones a critic... [09 May 2002|03:47pm]
[ mood | drained ]

my mom is cooking perogies upstairs and they smell soooo good. this week has been crazy! i dont even know where it went.

monday - capt was over and im now rejoicing!! im so happy,that was the most tiring, hard week of my school life. i taught on monday night and then came home and watched tv and that was it. nothing great happened in school. except a food fight. but i walked away from it without getting fries in my hair.

tues- i had drivers ed. and it was another waste of my time. its the lesson on drunk driving. its like 'how many shots of parrot bay can you consume and still be able to make a sharp right hand turn?' the answer :for me, 3. just kiddin. heh. no, drinking and driving is the dumbest, most asshole-ish thing you could possibly do. and i would never. ever. ever. after d.ed. we went to the lacrosse game. we lost.

weds.-had a great day in school.. it was the first day of sex ed in health and my teacher wrote the word 'penis' on the board. then he asked us to go up and write a slang for it. cock, dick, flesh rocket, wanker, mokey, one eyed monster.. yeah they were all on the board. then we had 'vagina.' pussy...seaworld [that grossed me out] vertical smile...bush, wonder down under..twat.. oh, there were thousands. then we went on to 'sexual intercourse' and i added beastin it, along with the other terms people put, like doin the nasty, tap that ass, bang, screw... it was *fantastic.* by the end of the class i was on my knees thankin jesus that i was still a virgin. then i went home, went for a walk, did some homework, and went to my flute lesson where everyone said i looked orange ;[ ok they might as well told me a 1000 times that i looked like shit. but im over it. my lesson was good and my piece is really comin along. i cant wait to start rehearsing for allstate. i got a gross iced coffee at dunkins and was really dissapointed.nothing can top my coolata. aight.. moving on..

today nothing happened in math. i kinda understand this square root stuff my teacher is showing us. its about nomials or something. or quadratics? i have no clue. but its factoring and im not doing too bad. kar was really upset about jon all day so i tried to cheer her up. i made plans with stef and gina and ry to get our posters done for student elections, cuz im running for secretary. *woop woop* its scandalous. our class doesnt do shit, and we really wanna get things goin on it. im thinking teachers in dunking booths, talent shows, car washes, field trips, and for once, a formal homecoming. yep. i haveeee ideas. aight. so it was another intresting health class, i got a b on my pop quiz in science, and bre got mad at me for the first time today. it was stupid shit, but i apologized. its a long story. we're friends now. but she was mad... in italian i took another test and i had a boring lunch. i have to play at the honor society induction tonight at 6. hurray. and then tomorrow i am supposed to be going out with jess and some boys. and now im gonna take a showw-ah. byez ;]

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shake it off [05 May 2002|03:41pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

click to take it!
What's your claim to fame?</a>


wow. today is beautiful out. im talking, c'e sole, e molta bella. so i woke up this morning and went online. [i went to bed early and only watched a little bit of mad tv. ] i felt bad for not going to church but my dad was doin yardwork and i did go last week. so i helped him out a little and walked to tanning and back, and then got in the shower cuz ashley had called and wanted me to go to the soccer game with her. i was so nice, and we just sat there and watched the game and bad mouthed missy cuz i guess they're in a fight. everyone always fights. we got bored and since my school i down the street from the beach, we walked to the boardwalk and just chilled. no one was there really. i didnt care, as long as i was exercising, outside, and out of the house. my dad picked us up and drove ash home and then we went grocery shopping. now im online and about to help make dinner or suttin. adios.

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see sawww [02 May 2002|06:13pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

ive had an intresting week, and yesterday i had my flute lesson and i did terrible. i went to dinner with em and nicky and then we came back and had our group. oh johnny boy looked studly ;]and i went home and was checkin all my grades and had a heart attack when i realized i didnt make honors last marking perioid last year. i spazzed. im not getting into nyu and i got so mad i whiped out a calculator and found out my total grades and what i need to do to get better grades. a 4.0 cant be too hard with my braindead assholes that i have for teachers.

today was capt again and i had a nice cup of coffee in the morning and thought i was gonna be all energetic. i sat next to ____* [i love him, hes censcored]and we talked and i think we flirted and he kept smiling and i basically melted. hes gorgeous. and smart, atletic, funny... sweet. oh hes so sweet. i heart him. and want to beat his gf. bitch. so i took my test and was chillen with stef li and mandee. then later i had lunch and it was okay, kinda boring. i went home and applied to work at 2 restrauntes and went tanning. i need a boyfriend sooo bad. i keep thinkig of that all the time now, its so distracting. i called kar and we talked for a few and now im chillen online talking to people. i have no plans for the weekend. its a sad thing. and im nervous for my audition on saturday. eek.

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on and on and on... [29 Apr 2002|04:09pm]
[ mood | sad ]

we have capt testing tomorrow and im getting so overwhelmed. i really dont want to do it, and in my school, its an exit exam so if i flunk my math [which is likely] i have to take remedial hours afterschool which sucks. school was good though. i have no homework so im not complaining. in science me meech stef and jess talked the whole time and in lunch i had some laffs with ry stef gi and lissa. then afterschool kar called me and was endlessly complaining about life. she started tellin me all this crap about people she hates and ppl she'd wanna kill. im like okay can u not tell me your hit list? shes not like that at all, but i just didnt want her to sit and bitch. life is so short i see no reason in spending time hating. then she told me not to tell my other friend that i was on the phone with, cuz shes like 'i just need to vent my anger so i called you.' she really isnt a bad friend and i know she cares about me, but she just walks all over me. she puts on this front like shes tough shit and inside shes a little kid. me her and liss walked to tanning and i got some color ;] then we went into the dollar store and were goofin around and i bought some chapstick. then coming out i saw shorty and was like yoo i really have feelings for this kid. lately hes been a dick and doesnt talk to me anymore. fuck that. i always listened to his problems and i thought we were good friends. oh well. so he was goin to his car and it began to mist out and i just waved and he said hi and then as we were *walking* home he drove by really fast. fuckhead. stupid scumbag ass. he didnt even offer a ride. oh well. hearts break and life goes on. i always say that but i doubt i mean it.

<3 two loves

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fire away ...... <3333 [28 Apr 2002|07:53pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

*Full Name: I can't tell you, you might kidnap me ;]
*Name Backwards: eiram yelhsa
*Were you named after anyone? my middle name is my grammas middle name.
*Does your name mean anything? from an ash tree. lyke whoa.
*Nick Name(s): ash, ashes, ashiie..
*Screen Name(s): dreamer
*Date Of Birth: 3-24
*Place of Birth: Bpt, Ct
*Nationality: 25% italian princepessa, 25% polish idiot & scandinavian -n- irish
*Current Location: hell? what?
*Sign: aries
*Religion: catholic
* Height: 5'7"
* Weight: too much
*Shoe Size: 9
*Hair color: light brown
*Eye color: green
18) What do you look like? a hooch. i have on boxers and a lil shirt cuz im bout to hit the hay
19) Innie or Outie? innie
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidexterous? righty!
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: straight.
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: no
39) Any brothers: one
40) Any pets: yep
41) A Disease: nope
42) A Pager: that was so '98
43) A Personal phone line: yes
44) A Cell phone: nope
45) A Lava lamp: used to have a cranberry colored one
46) A Pool or hot tub: a pool
47) A Car: no
Describe Your...
48) Personality: sensitive, loving, push over, honest
49) Driving: fast
50) Car or one you want: eclipse or a souped up altima
51) Room: small, purple and white, comfy
52) What's missing? my mind
53) School: large and ghetto with lots of bickering bitches and some hotties but few
54) Bed: oh so comfy
55) Relationship with your parent(s): good
Do You
56) Believe in yourself: not really
57) Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah
58) Consider yourself a good listener: yes
59) Consider yourself a good friend: yes
60) Get Along with your parents: sometimes
61) Save your e-mail conversations: some of them
62) Pray: yeah
63) Believe in reincarnation: nope
64) Like to make fun of people: nah, only bitches
65) Like to talk on the phone: yes
-66 is m.i.a -
67) Like to drive: yeah
68) Get motion sickness: nope
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: yum
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: FINGERS means USE YA FINGAS NIGGA
71) Dream in color: yeah.
72) Type with your fingers on home row: not really
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: nah
What Is/Are/Was...
74) Right next to you: water, a pen, and a speaker
75) On the walls of your room: nothing, my mom likes the walls plain. my honors certificates and middle school promotion paper
76) On your mouse pad: paradise scene
77) Your dream car: answered that
78) Your dream date: any boy, im so desperate at this moment...
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: hawaii, europe
80) Your dream husband/wife: yeah. no. lol.
81) Your bedtime: 930 latest
82) Under your bed: nothing, i cleaned it
83) The single most important question: whos your baby daddy
84) Your bad time of the day: from 5-8am
85) Your worst fear(s): the dark, lonliness
86) The weather is like: chilly, like 50's
87) The time? 748pm
88) The date? 04/28/02
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: i havent done that in a while
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: i dont eat strange stuff
91) Theme Song: im real - jLo outside- mcarey
92) The hardest thing about growing up: everyone changing while you're struggling to stay the same, enjoy life and do the 'right things.' growing up is tragic.
93) Your funnest experience: hmm. sleepovers , :o
94) Your scariest moment: sleeping after watching the exorcist
95) The silliest thing you've said: hmm
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposisite sex: i curled my hair everyday to try to impress this kid in 7th grade. didnt work. i do alotta shit like that
97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): people passing out at parties, when i used to sleep at tinas and her house was haunted, when we almost got lost in mexico..
98) The worst feeling in the world: not being liked, let alone loved

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-you must be used to me cryin... [27 Apr 2002|02:18pm]
if a boy tells you he wants to be friendsa after a nasty break up... you should believe him rite? NOPE. dont. i heard on the news today about a big shooting in germany. its really sad, i guess 18 people were hurt or something, a bunch killed. i didnt get the story down to specifics but its a tragedy and my heart goes out to the people there. of course, there has to be a scapegoat to every problem rite? so in the paper i guess they said 'the american epedemic has spread overseas' meaning its all our fault or somethin stupid like that. we cant help that there are wacked out chill'ns livin in our society, but to say its an american epidemic is kinda harsh. what about the violence that rocks the other countries of the world? do we call that an iraqi epidemic or a south african epidemic. nope. i dunno. sometimes its hard lovin your country so much, and then havin to take the hits when it gets some smack talk. oh well...

and the whole thing about left eye really upset me. then i hear on the news that there was an explosion in new york and some undergroud boiler errupted and more people were hurt.geez! can that city ever get a break!! i feel horrible for new yorkers. i want to live there so bad.the city lifestyle is really cool, and i love the whole nonchalant, get the fuck outta my way yet fuggedaboutit additude that new yorkers have and i just really wanna live there. i always have. my parents tell me im stupid, that i eiter have to live in a dump or an overpriced apt, but i dont care. i love the big apple.
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